Anywhere but here...

Have you ever felt like you've lost your passion for life? Not just for your work, or your school stuff, or friends....but for everything that used to drive you to get outta bed in the morning? This has been the wierdest bout for me. I have lost interest in everything, other than sleep (which i never seem to get enought of). Yes, life has an abundance of amazing times (like the marshmallow fight tonite), but it seems to be masked by this perpertual lack of life. There is no fire in my belly. I feel like work is a chore and school is a burden. Friends seem to stress me out more than relax me (sorry guys!). But the worst feeling in the world is this lack of desire to do anything. I'm terrified that this is depression, or something along those lines. But what scares me even more is that i don't know what to do about it. How do you go about trying to regain passion in your life? What am i missing that i really need?

I want to enjoy life. I hate having to run around from meeting to school to the next youth crisis to work to whatever. I just wanna sit back and enjoy what's going on around me. I want to build relationships with people my own age. I wanna sit with my friends and feel like i'm not running off to the next meeting (or that they aren't running off to their next meeting). I miss that quality time with people. I want to feel like i'm NOT busy. My schedule is emptier than it has been in the past months, with more and more free time, but i feel like its fuller than it used to be. Its this perpertual motion of people running, me included, and things just spinning around. I need to relax at the core of who I am. I need my blood to stop pumping so fast. The never ending caffeine buzz needs to end.

I want to regain a passion for the things that God has called me to do. But even right now, i doubt that i am in the right place. I know that God called me to YFC for a time, but is that where he still wants me? I feel more like a babysitter than i do a youth worker. Its getting to the point where i don't even want to go into work anymore (sorry guys....really i am). So where do i go from here?

I feel like life is changing so quickly and i don't even know where its going or where i'm supposed to be in it all. We've been talking a lot about complacency among my friends, and i don't even think thats the word i would use to describe how i feel. I feel like i'm taking steps backwards while the world continues to move forward. I'm not satisfied where i am, but i don't even know where i'm going. I just know i don't want to be here anymore. i guess the next question is "where to, God?" Where is the next place you have for me? What is my real passion...or where has it gone?

Guide my life God as i seem to have lost my way. Give me discernment to follow the path that you have laid before me. Give me passoin for the things that you have called me to do. And patience as I figure them out. thank you for allowing me to change and to recreate myself, but give me the necessary tools i need to accomplish this task. Where there is fear, grant me peace. Where there is uncertainty, grant me certainty. Where there is grief, let me find comfort. When i am lost, let me find you. Amen.